Depression and mental health

Been doing lots of thinking lately and realised something. The 1st time I saw a head shrink I was 7 yrs old, since then it has been something that has periodically happened throughout my life. The trigger, although people think its a quick/snap change, often takes years to come out. You actually become quite good at hiding the true state of your mental health. The speed other people see is the quick escalation when it comes to a head. This happens really quick and takes most people by surprise. Your mood goes through the floor, you become more aggressive or withdrawn dependant on who you are. With me this time I've withdrawn I've given up on most things and can't see an easy way out. I've tried to see my doc but guess what she's on 3 weeks holiday. I didn't even have the sense to ask if this was the 1st week or the 3rd. Shows how slow/dense the brain becomes. Something else that adds to that worthless feeling. When this happens usually it takes medication and time to solve. Not being able to see my doc is scaring me but hey will get there just take bit longer. I thought my faith might have stopped things getting this bad, perhaps its the way life is for me anyway. Struggle from 1 bout of misery to another accompanied by as many abusive arse holes as I can find to fit into it. That might sound a bit strong but when no one has been to ask how I am, no one has phoned or text to ask then when its mentioned to a member of family what's there response? Oh is dads belly still sore. Great to feel loved eh