OUTSIDER

When your left alone aged 9 then you start your life as an outsider. Everyone else has parents a mum and a dad but not you. You learn young to hide how your feeling, don't let anyone in that special close space. That's how you get hurt! They know when they get in and just wait to drop you from a great height to achieve the maximum amount of pain. So why let anyone in better keeping that space and staying where you can't get hurt. You grow up in school where after every break your asked what did you do with your mummy and daddy during the holidays. You are the OUTSIDER in the group. Even when you start, you feel like no one is interested in what you have to say. They seem to have new/different conversations when you arrive and when you leave. Then you start making phone calls and well can people see its you on the phone? You ask yourself cause no one seems to answer to your calls. You begin to wonder will life always be like this. You end up getting married but even then, you daren't let them all the way in, thats how you get hurt. You know the second you do they'll be like everyone else and run away. All this turns you into a guy who doubts everything about himself. It makes you question your very existence. You begin to wonder why people talk to you at all. Why do you matter to anyone because you don't matter to yourself. Its just get through another day. I mean when you family give up on you what else can you expect from anyone else!!!!!!!!! Your just one of those people no one likes! That will remain an outsider for all of their life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!